I don’t know where to start, but it’s not like I’m repenting or anything either. Right now, its 12:06 a.m. It’s -5 degrees (F), and I have work in the morning. Right now, I feel somewhat awake, but I feel, empty? I kinda feel like I’m just existing, as in a microbe in the beyond, or a cell with no purpose. But I don’t feel like I’m not getting anywhere either, I think.

I’m actually working on trying to slow down on drinking so much. It’s just beer now, but I did stop drinking liquor. I used to be a blackout drinker in my early 20s. I’m 28 now. I wasn’t a horrible person either at then, but it was still an issue. But it too was long done. I think I drink because I know I’m alone, so there’s no one to worry or bicker, but the idea of human social interaction does seem more appealing than drinking and either being dumb or passing out. It’s really not as sad as it sounds. There are the positives that happen, I just choose to save them for myself.

I tried to go to church last Sunday, but I was actually too hungover, so I decided best not to go. My intent was to catch up with an ex of mine; we left on a sour note in the past, but hopefully shes changed. But when I think of our old times, I feel like I’m back in my craft. I start becoming creative again; I hear the music in me to write, the pictures to draw and paint, the hoops to embroider, the foods to cook, everything. I don’t think that’s what love particularly is, coming from material things, but still. It was something I had to let go of, but not forgotten.

Just like every other person of Earth, we all feel things in someway or form. But then the moments you feel nothing at all, but not in a dark place, and then there are some who never do at all. I’m not One in particular but I am able to tune into my own self and be with my own mind. It’s never sound until you make it that way. Kinda like I am now, and sorting the words to put into sentences. My fingers are cold as ice, but they can keep up so far. I actually don’t know why I decided to chronicle all this on this site of any, but I guess I just had to get some kinda word out of what ever.
There was never really a point to any of this, so if you made it this far, right on.

So far in my life, I live with a roommate, and it’s pretty peaceful here. I am an anxietic