My message to the young.

SAVE YOUR F****** MONEY!

All the material items and brands you worship won’t matter when you’re ready to buy a home.

BUILD YOUR F****** CREDIT!

Keep your subscriptions and monthly payments within a bare minimum and pay your bills on time and you will gain steady increase in your credit line. The less you use your cards the more credit you earn.

DON’T BE IN A F****** RUSH TO GET MARRIED!

You wanna know the easiest way to f*** up your credit? Marrying someone with fucked up credit will f*** up your credit. And if your credit is not as good as the person you love, get your f****** s*** together first before entertaining the idea of marriage.

IF YOU DON’T HAVE AT LEAST 2.5 MILLION DOLLARS IN YOUR SAVINGS ACOUNT, DON’T HAVE ANY F****** KIDS!

Kids are f****** expensive and raising them is extra stressful when you’re living from paycheck to paycheck. Why would you want to put your stress on children you honestly can’t afford to have?

WORK THE F*** OUT AND STAY IN F****** SHAPE!

Not too long ago I had to go deal with my local government on a matter that needed resolving and it turned out that the bureaucrat I dealt with was this incredibly hot 20 something woman and all I could think to myself was what damn f****** shame I had let myself go, because if was fit enough and had the confidence I used to when was a much younger man, I could have pulled her digits and later been smacking her cheeks from behind as she called me Daddy.