Ever since I was little, I’ve killed frogs and toads, I couldn’t control myself and seen red, not out of anger just not able to control myself. I ended up getting it under control when I was younger because I needed to. I just started raising mice and breeding them for pets and feed for our snake. I went to feed him two hoppers(almost weaned baby mice. He wasn’t hungry. On the way back, one jumped out of my hand and ran behind the couch. I put the other one back and had my brothers cat get it for me. He brought it to me but it was in shock, so for some reason, I let him play with it until it was almost dead then I drowned it. I threw it away. I didn’t feel guilty. Only curious. I also dropped it from high heights onto a wooden chair to try and kill it but also out of curiousity. I got him another one from the cage. The cat started growling at me so I took the mouse off him and drowned it in cold then scorching hot water. I don’t feel guilty. I feel like I’m becoming a psychopath. I need to tell my therapist this but my fiancé comes to sessions with me(if he doesn’t I have panic attacks so bad I can’t drive). I can’t even tell him because he’d be scared of me.