hihi i placed this in the “random feeling” catagory because i dont rlly know exactly what this all is? it’s all mixed up and confusing but i just wanted to say it to someone.
So, i’m currently in 7th grade and i have a lot of friends (i think) and they all say im so nice. my best friends support me a lot and are very smart and so is my whole school basically. but i used to be really mean and obnoxious (not the worst) but i was also nice? so sometimes i think abt the mean things ive done and it makes me extremely nervous. i have my “main group of friends” (let’s call them 1,2,3, and 4) who are very kind and smart as i stated b4 but sometimes i feel like im rlly dumb compared to them and its rlly not a gud feeling bc i constantly compare myself to them and it rlly makes me feel like im not good enough. i cry a lot and in front of ppl which makes it seem like im “acting depressed” but i just want help not popularity but then some ppl assumed that i am acting in that way and it makes me nervous too 🙁 theres also the fact that im not exactly the skinniest (not the fattest either) and im 95 pounds which is apparently average but i feel like im not skinny enough because friend 1, 2,3, and 4 r skinny. i do feel happy at school tho when im around so many friends and stuff. idk if im sad or happy? i also rlly hate piano but my parents force me to play (they r super nice tho!) and thats the only thing they ask for me and i want to tell them so badly that i absolutely hate it so whenever i play i cry and i hide it bc i dont want them to worry abt me. im not very smart either (gpa:3.67) and its not good enough compared to the ppl at my school. my main friend group = all in advanced math (besides friend 4). i want help on math and science but im scared to ask. my science teacher is so nice but her class is hard and i have an N in her class (Needs Improvement) for not participating (asking/answering questions). i want to ask but its so hard to when im so dumb and i cant even speak loudly (also another problem). idk if im an introvert or extrovert because i can be super loud and super quiet. i hate myself for the way i act. im rlly trying to be a nicer/more productive person and idk if its working efficiently. theres probably but its ook i guess thats it