okay so i’m just gonna say this.. i have a desease and it’s similar to anorexia but i don’t have trouble with excepting how i look but how other people see me. i have a complex that i need to be perfect and that if i don’t everybody will laugh and just see me as a joke. i compete in 9 school-relatet competitions in a lot of different subjects just to prove that i am good enough and i would reather spend my time doing anything but studying and i really feel like i am forced by my brain to do this. i also have a problem and oh here goes nothing.. i was in love with this boy. i met him in my first karate lesson when i was just 6 years old and we became friends. everybody mocked him for being different and called him names but i was on his side the whole time. one day he just quit karate and i felt empty. for the next 5 years he wasn’t there and i forgot about him by the time has passed. then.. on a summer break a lot of us friends came to this concert in the town center and he was there. he grew up so so much that i didn’t recognize him but he knew who i am. soon enough i remembered and it was all cool and he had a girlfriend (a friend of mine and she told me about that i just said no i don’t know him cause i really didn’t connect the dots yet). then we started hanging out in ngc (that’s how we call a part of our town) and there were about 20-30 of us hanging out there every night and i just fell in love with him. i guess i had feelings for him enen when we were kids but ut’s okay. he goes to the same class as my two bffs (male and female) and they just kept telling me he’s not the one he used to be but of course as the fool i am i didn’t listen to them. he came to karate again and i never quit so there we were.. in the same training room again after 5 and a half years. we looked at eachother all the time, would come back home every night alone and talked and laughed and when some of my friends saw us they thought we were together and then he would say cutely like “shut up you guys” and all that. then i confessed my feelings for him and he said he felt the same way. then, cause i was a coward and waiyed for him to kiss me or just do something, i said idk what to do and he said me neitger and we kept telling the same sentence over and over again untill it was time for me to go and we said we’ll talk about it. now to shorten it a bit, we got into a huge fight because he was pretty much and is a jerk that would be with every other hoe that has a big b*** and he just started telling bad about me and then i snapped and told him to go to hell with all he’s got and leave me alone. i still some to the trainings and, cause our coach tells us we can’t be mad in the gum we need to talk and everything, i do when i need but it’s kinda akward. and now the big reveal.. after 6 months of that time when i told him everything in the face.. i still freaking love him way too much and noone knows that and i don’t know what to do and my feelings are so so strong and the problem i have is making it even worse because i think i’m not good enough and everything. so.. if you reading came this far, i’m sorry if you thing my story is a loss of time and for my grammar mistakes (english is my 3rd language). i hope you give me advice cause i really need it. thank you for reading and here’s a happy face to make your day 🙂