Growing up, I had a r*** fetish. I’d imagine myself getting forced and enjoying it. Then, I was raped, and I’ve been fucked up ever since. It really fucks with me, because elements of what he did to me are things I used to think about when I’d fantasize. I was on my period, he was drunk and thought my blood was wetness. He said, “if you don’t like it, then how come you’re so wet? Huh?” Then he talked about how tight I am when he started r***** me. Sometimes, I m********* to it, and I usually feel disgusted afterwards. I was trying to see if anyone else experienced this, and just googling it made me want to throw up. I couldn’t read about it. R*** is the worst thing that can happen to someone, I believe. It feels like you’re an object being used. Like you aren’t human. I just…I feel sick. I like the fantasy of being forced, but I can’t even use it as a fantasy without risking feeling sick. I don’t even like typing this out. I’m getting flashbacks. I need to stop, before I work myself into a state where I can’t come down. This isn’t the only time I’ve been touched when I didnt want it. I feel f****** sick. I hate predators. Some of my ex friends are still friends with two of them. I hope they f****** choke.