I really want to cry cuz i feel that my emotions are blocked off and i cant get to them. It feels good when i actually do but later feel like a little b****. I hate myself for this why cant i be a normal person with normal problems in a normal life it doesnt have to be perfect just normal. Or is it that theres no such thing as normal and im being ungrateful? Why cant i ever be satisfied with what i was given? Why do i constantly want something i know will i will never get? What if i am living a normal life and im too much of ungrateful peice of s*** to realize? Why is it that as my life goes on it slowly gets worse? Will it ever get better? (People say it does but i think that its something to keep people from ending it all) Why do i feel this way. I know im gonna go back to my normal life in a few hours and brush off what im feeling as being “tired” and not have second thought about this. The reason why i brush it off as feeling tired is cuz it always happens at night when everybody sleeping when im alone with my thoughts. Its been going on for a few years when i get like this but i dont know why. i have an idea of what it might be but not sure. My parents considered therapy after one night where it got to a point where i couldnt hide it anymore, not another night like this, they should know, they HAVE to know, they HAVE to know that this isnt normal. It shouldnt be happening. Or at least thats what i think. i dont know what to think when im like this. Somebody anybody help im too young to be having such problems (mental problems) i need help and i dont think im gonna get any better. But in the end when these feelings pass ill forget about it till it comes creeping back. at night. when everyones sleeping. when im alone. with my thoughts. Then the whole cycle repeats over and over. Its not every day it happens. Ill give myself a week or two till i feel like this again. But till then ill do what i normally do in life but writing helps when im like this since i have noone to talk to but myself. What i just typed was basically me trying to express what i was feeling in my head. Can any phycyatrist out there diagnose me with something so i at least know wtf is wrong with me. I know it doesnt make sense but it makes sense to me when im feeling that way. Rn i feel fine but just a minute ago i was contemplating suicide. (Crazy right?) Im such an idiot. You know what i was just probably tired i dont even know why i wrote all this. I should delete this. Nahhhh ill save it for later to look at when im “tired”

Whats wrong with me? 🙁