8 years
x
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I have so many problems that I can’t solve and am running in circles with that I just want to fake my own death and move the hell away under a new persona. Now I obviously don’t want to die for real, I just want to start over everything and work my way out of this mess I’m in that I call my life. It’s just too much and I’m too fucked up beyond belief and I’m so sick and tired of how things are! On the other hand, I’m terrified of the future and change of any kind. But I also want it, need it like air because I know things can’t go on like this anymore. They shouldn’t have been going on like this for years and every time it gets slightly better, it gets worse soon. I wish I knew how to turn my life around and I also wish I had the courage to do so but neither is happening, I know that too well. So I just gave up, my life is like a car rolling down a steep hill: I can’t control things anymore, so I just try to hold on and allow myself to be excited for good scenery along the way until I crash.

New Confession

My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.

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