I have so many problems that I can’t solve and am running in circles with that I just want to fake my own death and move the hell away under a new persona. Now I obviously don’t want to die for real, I just want to start over everything and work my way out of this mess I’m in that I call my life. It’s just too much and I’m too fucked up beyond belief and I’m so sick and tired of how things are! On the other hand, I’m terrified of the future and change of any kind. But I also want it, need it like air because I know things can’t go on like this anymore. They shouldn’t have been going on like this for years and every time it gets slightly better, it gets worse soon. I wish I knew how to turn my life around and I also wish I had the courage to do so but neither is happening, I know that too well. So I just gave up, my life is like a car rolling down a steep hill: I can’t control things anymore, so I just try to hold on and allow myself to be excited for good scenery along the way until I crash.
