have you ever just wanted to tell your life story? to just, let it all out? i think that’s what brought me here. ive confessed multiple times about numerous things, but its just not enough. there is so much i want to just say, so that it’s just out, ya know? i want to start off by saying that im 16, and im the type of person who is constantly thinking. my thoughts are all over the place, some are negative, some are positive. for about 6 months, all my thoughts were just pure negativity, and it was all directed towards myself. i was a big girl, at least to me. my mum keeps saying that i was ‘just starting to get chubby’ but i don’t really see it like that. i weighed almost 180 pounds. and with the help of my good old friend, the scale and calories, i lost 50 pounds and now as of today i weigh 127. did you catch that sarcasm? that ‘good old friend’ has told me countless times how much of a failure i am for ‘not eating less’ and it’s told me so many times a number i hate. still does. i never knew just how attached i was to my scale until my brother almost broke it. he jumped really hard on it and it flipped over, i didn’t think i would react at all, but i ended up screaming and my eyes brimmed with tears. my mum was looking at my like i was crazy. why am i like this? i didn’t ask to suffer an eating disorder. im better now, im eating a lot more and i don’t weigh myself 6 times a day, only like 2 now. its progress.
another thing i want to just let out is there is this band that i have loved since 2013, and its crazy to think just how much they mean to me. the band is called one direction, maybe you’ve heard of them, but they mean the world to me. as cliché as it sounds, they helped me go through my e.d. their music, the lyrics, just them in general, made me happy. if your still reading up to this point, go listen to ‘little things’ by them. that song is so beautiful, and it means so much to me. i know they aren’t singing it directly to me, but its just the thought of the lyrics. and i know they didn’t write it, but still. ive never been to a one direction concert, but last weekend, i got to see harry styles live, and i never knew what it would be like to be filled in a room with people who understand. because, no one around me gets why i love them so much. “your just obsessed” “they are just 5 boys who can sing” “they don’t even know you exist.” i hear from my parents. but im not obsessed. is it so bad that i like to show my support for 5 people who make me so beyond happy? and they aren’t just ‘5 boys who can sing’ they are beautiful, inside and out. harry waves pride flags at his shows and belts out “love is love” louis is constantly thinking about his fans and he never wants to disappoint them. niall loves nothing more than meeting fans and putting a smile on their face. liam and zayn both have the biggest hearts and care so much for others. im sorry im ranting about them, but 9/10 people reading this, have a band they can relate this too.
there is so much more i want to just want to let out. but ill stop here. please listen to ‘little things’ by one direction and just listen to the lyrics. those have made me smile so many times. have a good day/night random person on earth. x -M