I wish that I could feel secure. I wish that I didn’t feel like a failure and like I am stupid all the time. My husband says he loves me but he doesn’t touch me. We haven’t had s** in one month. When I get undressed, he turns his head or walks out. He never looks at me with love. Nor desire. I hate it. Everyone else tells me I am pretty. I lost weight and am still taking care of myself. I am in school taking Information Technologies. I have a very high libido. I want to belong to someone. I want to freak my husband. But I feel so ugly. I feel rejected. I feel shamed. I am a brown woman. But, I swear I blush red when he rejects me repeatedly. Why doesn’t he want me? I am a good woman. I take care of his kids. He has 3 and I already had 3 of my own. He has killed my family’s joy. I have lost so much of myself. I have no confidence. Everything I try to do he knocks. Why do I stay? We have been together 11 years. Married for 6. Why has he changed? My father left me when I was 14. I was a Daddy’s Girl. Why didn’t HE love me? I try so hard to be right. Why don’t they love me? I just want to feel passion and joy. To have a light heart filled to overflow with love. But now, I am dying. I have nothing left to give. I feel no joy inside. Just shame.