Our love was something I truly believed could outlast everything. I thought that no matter what happened, the ups, the downs, the mistakes, as long as we had each other, we could always find our way back. That belief was real for me.

I always tried not to let outside issues bleed into what we had. I knew it was your first relationship, and whenever something made me uncomfortable or didn’t sit right, I tried my best to understand and not make you feel at fault.

There were moments that hurt me, but I chose patience because I loved you.
When you got jealous about me talking to your friend about anime, saying things like “you used to look at me that way,” I reassured you that my eyes were only on you.
When you still had your ex in your contacts, I understood what you were trying to prove and helped you let that go.
When I found out you had messaged someone, telling him he could meet you when you went to Florida, I reminded myself that I’ve made mistakes too and I chose not to react out of anger.
When I saw you call me names to a friend, I told you it hurt, but I still believed your explanation and moved on.

I didn’t hold those things over you because love, to me, meant understanding, not keeping score.

That’s why it hurts to know that when I made my own mistake, not one of betrayal but of fear and poor handling, there was no room for that same understanding. I didn’t cheat on you. I was assaulted, and I handled it badly because I didn’t know how to process it. I should have been more open, and I take full responsibility for that.

But I also want you to know that my choice to stay friendly with her wasn’t about interest, it was about fear. I was scared of what she might say, and I thought keeping things calm would protect me. It was never about choosing her over you.

I know I have a tendency to self-sabotage. There were times when I asked for space or a break, and you always said the right things. But I get into my own head and start believing I don’t deserve the love and happiness you gave me. It’s a habit I’ve carried for a long time, pushing away people who care about me because deep down, I feel undeserving of them.

When everything happened, those thoughts only grew louder. Instead of opening up or explaining what I was feeling, I defaulted to ending things. I realize now that what I needed wasn’t distance, it was understanding, both from you and from myself.

It’s too late to change how things unfolded, but I’ve learned from it. I wish I could have applied that growth while we were still together, but I understand why you had to protect yourself and step away.

I had reasons not to trust too, but I chose to trust you. Even when you kept in contact with people I was uncomfortable with, I tried to focus on what we were building because you were the person I wanted a future with.

I’m not writing this to reopen anything or to compare mistakes. I just needed to finally say that my love for you was real, my intentions were pure, and my heart was in the right place even when my actions fell short.

You’ll always be someone who meant a lot to me, and I truly hope you find peace, the same peace I’m now trying to find for myself.