I worry I’m ruining my life. I’m with a man who has not proposed to me in the seventeen years we’ve been together. We’ve settled and he’s not really eager or wanting kids, he’ll just be happy to nut inside and will give me kids if I ‘really want to have them’. I want someone who truly wants me, wants to grow, support and provide – not someone who is just ‘okay and comfortable’ with me. Now I’m partially thinking I should take the plunge and let him impregnate me but what good will that bring. I’ll have kids and be starting a family but will things really get better? Or will that make things so much worse? Should I run away and be single at such a late age? I’m 34.. and i’ll admit people think i’m younger than my true age but.. to get old and alone is a scary thought. Yet it’s equally as scary to start a life with someone who doesn’t seem like he really cares. He’s just there and I can’t help but feel like he just likes having me around to clean, provide money, and provide s**. I’ve never been in the dating scene before, so I don’t even know what I’d be jumping into. The unknown is scary. And the thought of finding/being with someone ‘perfect’ is also unrealistic, no? So.. should I settle, try for kids and just hope for the best? Or do I jump in hopes of finding a better life. I’m so unsure about what to do and as days pass it’s eating me up inside.
