I am no one’s first priority. I am in my late 30s, single and burnt out. I help my family when they ask for any favor. Even during this time of complete exhaustion I’ve been helping them as much as I can when they need something. Feeling guilty as soon as I try setting boundaries. Getting an ear full when I do.
But when I tried asking for help with painting two walls on the house, no one had the time. I felt so overwhelmed by the task, but I did it alone and I cried my way through the week it took to get it done.
During this time of burnout I realize that my friends don’t take initiative. It is I who always have to reach out. Most of them have families and I understand, I do. It’s just that i realize that I miss being a first priority to someone.
Going thorugh burnout has just highlighted for me that even though I have great people around me, I come second, third.
I am a people pleaser and I feel like I have to give up my wishes to make others happy. An example that is fresh in memory is when I’ve been traveling with some family and friends who both feel entitled to the best seats, leaving me in the middle as usual. I too want to sit in a good seat. If someone at least tried to offer, I probably wouldn’t mind offering to take the lesser seat.. it’s about the vibe I feel. The selfishness and lack of consideration.
I dream of being someones first priority, and prioritizing them. To feel that love of someone thinking of me and doing considerate gestures. I long for love and belonging.