I really miss Jason. After realizing I’ll never get a real apology from my partner for abusing me, and that nobody will ever believe me when I tell them, I haven’t felt safe with anyone. It’s been a long time since he did it, but I hadn’t moved on and asked for an apology only to have him force me to apologize for causing him to do it. I tried to talk to someone that claimed to be my intimate friend and claimed I could tell them anything, but they think I’m lying. If I leave he gets to keep our friends. I don’t know what all he’s said or to whom, but I’ve caught him making me out to be terrible for simple mistakes to multiple people. My mom became his mom, and he got the good version of her, so if I leave he also loses his mom. The only person I’ll live for right now is Jason, but I have no way to get ahold of him. I desperately need his help and his presence to feel safe again. He’s the only one that’s defended me and been patient when I mess up. I really love him but I know I’ll never be good enough for him.