I’m having a hard time coming to realize I was just never important to my parents. Their hatred for each other took priority. They never stopped to think that the child they created together needed a stable loving environment no matter how they felt about each other. Now I am a f*** up in life, no matter what I do or how hard I try. I look at other people and get jealous, something I never do, because they– no matter how scary their world gets– they know their parents have their back. And the parents DO. Because they take the time to prepare for their child/dren’s future/s. They grow up safe and secure and have a soft place to fall. I got volleyball back and forth and used as a pawn by my parents. So I was never important to them. And that’s what happens when you have children out of obligation and not want. People like that don’t want the human being they created. They want the fever dream. The dream never lasts but the child does. And then it becomes an IT. A point of contention and martyrdom on whose responsibility is whose.K8d doesn’t even have grandparents to go to. It just inherits the generational disfunction and then gets to hear about what a f*** up they are. I want tout of this. I’m done. I want out of this skin. I want out of thos life experience. I’m done. I really am.
