i really wanna die. I dont know what to do. i have people i trust but telling them how i feel would hurt them and make them feel responsible so I havent said anything. i dont think anyone really knows the extent to how dark things have gotten in my head. i think a handful of people only know fractions of the whole truth, but nobody knows it all.
i guess i still have stuff i wanna do. like i dont wanna kill myself or anything, but its like i keep seeing myself dying in vivid and painful ways. or animals or other people. its scary. i dont know who to turn to that wont be hurt be saying these things or hurt me further.
im just grateful for the space to say it here.