I regularly think about hurting myself. I used to sh years ago but I’m 2 years clean now. But when it gets late at night or when I’m alone, I think of bashing my head into the floor, or taking as many pills as I can. I might think of dying sometimes but most of the time I think of the pain that might come with these things. Like how I might internally bleed or choke on my own vomit. I don’t feel normal. Not when I have these thoughts almost nightly.