Sometimes I think nothing matters, like nothing I do will ever have
the outcome I want. Why try then, if it all means absolutely nothing.
If everthing I do will always have the same effect of me feeling like
I am alone and that nobody really knows me then why try at all.
I’m trying, I really am but this fear of abandonment is ruining all of
my effort, everthing I put in just gets spit right back out. I will say I
love someone just so they don’t leave because I need someone,
anyone in my life.
I cut myself and make scratches with a knife, burn myself with candles
and lighters not because I believe I deserve it but because I need
a distraction. To get away from everthing so I turn to self harm.
The burning showers, the knives, the fire…
All of it to avoid something inevitable.
Loneliness.
Everyone has ways of dealing with life, I don’t want to deal with it at all.
