i keep all the things that my ex sent to me because of how much she meant to me. she sent me two letters and a koi fish letter and a bracelet which i hate that i lost. we had a online relationship, she lived in Britain, i lived in America. this was about rigjt when covid happened. it was probably my first actual love and probably my only actual person that i’ve actual felt that i’ve loved and loved back. our parents both liked each other and our friends liked each other. we would be on calls and sleep calls every day and we would have nicknames. our main nicknames would be cheeto and pringle, or toffee bean and coffee bean. we would always talk about when we would meet, where we would meet, how would we meet, and planned every excursion. unfortunately it only lasted two months, because my pendejo decided to tell her some stupid ahh stuff that made her break up with me. i regret every moment of that day. and k wish i could’ve changed the outcome. i miss her is all i’m saying. i miss her cute laugh, i miss the little video games we used to play. i missed the comparisons of American schools and British schools. and making fun of each others accent. i miss her parents barging in with a mickey mouse plush and embarrassing her. i miss her showing her with her sister and friends walking down the trail behind her house. i just miss her. and i know i shouldn’t, i know it’s my fault, it’s my fault that it ended, but i just wish i could still hear her voice. my first ever true love was my first ever true heartbreak.