I've come to realize that those close to me are only boasting there morals verbally but when push comes to shove, they don't have the actions to back

3 years

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I’ve come to realize that those close to me are only boasting there morals verbally but when push comes to shove, they don’t have the actions to back their words. It seems our values in life are different. I don’t want to throw away a decade of friendship, but I don’t know if I can look past this. I don’t even know if I can bring this up to them and try to talk about it. I’m always the odd one out.
The thought of losing them breaks my heart but It feels like I’m over staying my welcome.

New Confession

I hate you and resent you, you never listen and only hear what you wanna hear. You like me but its only conditional and when its convenient for you. You treat me like trash just like everyone else has and walking on eggshells. Any little mistake I make, your awful to me, you’re easily possessive , controlling and get easily jealous if i so much smile at someone yet its okay for you to have friends. You don’t want me to talk to anyone else yet you push me when I want to have a conversation with you. You only halfway listen, and you wonder why I completely shut down and dead inside. I rather live and die alone than feel more alone & isolated around everyone who’ve treated me like a freak. You get mad that I don’t want to be near you yet you’ve mocked me when I was really upset and hurt. I feel trapped and stuck. Im waiting to die, I hate this non-ending cycle pathetic excuse of this life im living. I can’t even escape in my own thoughts, if a god or any other being exists and is listening, please take me away already , why do you let me live ?

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