I want to get a proper education. Up until I was seventeen, I lived in an abusive households. Really abusive. Like, “knife in your throat” and “shoving in your child stuff that don’t belong inside of them” – that kind of abusive. That’s why I didn’t care much about school. I was focused on surviving. I finished school with really bad grades, but they were good enough to let me finish school.
Nobody even knew that I actually liked studying. Even I didn’t know that. But I do like it and I know it now. I’d like to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a therapist. Or even an electrician. I’m pretty good at studying all of these things. But there’s no second chances in my country. Only if you’re rich. But I’m so poor that I only can afford food for half a month. During the other half I just don’t eat at all. I cannot afford even our version of a community college.
I’ll die as a nobody. I don’t seek fame or fortune. I only wanted to be someone. I wanted to be good at something and have a document that proves it. But I was born a nobody, I was destroyed and humiliated to the point of breaking. Then I have restored myself and my life to the previous state of being a nobody. And I will die as a nobody and nothing will ever change that. Most of the days I don’t think about it. It’s too painful. If I accept it as the truth, I’ll break again. And I don’t think that I’ll be able to fix myself after that.