How can I yearn for love when I can’t even love myself. I hate my short temper, and I’ll get tense and annoyed at the tiniest things. I broke a clothes hanger while putting laundry away and I just snapped it more and threw it. It gives me a terrible feeling in my chest, it just burns. But I know I do this because I’m annoyed at myself. I am my own worst enemy and I don’t know how to change that. I love her so much, but she pisses me off to kingdom come. She’s the most interesting, but most infuriating person to be around. And you can hear the annoyance in my voice, even if this is just text on a screen. I feel lovestruck often, but I’m not reminded soon enough that she’s a stupid f****** b****. I’m scared I’ll be with her some day. Too lovestruck in the moment to understand the hell im dragging myself into. I’m in pain, physically, mentally, and spiritually. And I’m solving no problems by remaining here. I’ll just say it, I want to commit suicide, because it’s the only way to get this horrible feeling out of my system. I have the perfect plan, and though it will be messy, it can’t fail. I’m tired of f****** waiting. I’m tired of trying to solve my problems because no one wants to move on. I understand that I’m a b****, manwhore, im perverse and im a f****** idiot, rude, uncanny, trash. But I want to fix that. I want to move on because I myself do improve. But all I get are glances and small waves. No interaction. The only friend I had left was God, but I became afraid of his wrath and now I am frail, godless, and left abandoned in this reality. I’m still here, but it’s only a matter of time until im fed up with this b******* for the last time. I’m so f****** sorry. Please forgive me. I want to cry.