You could say that every single time her heart beats, a beautiful moment is lost in time, a moment you are trying to savor, an irreplaceable blip in time and space worth more than life itself.
A catharsis of existence which cannot be matched… so you hold on ever so tightly and try to take the moment and her indescribable essence in with every one of your senses as completely as possible. You burn the moment into your memory. You simply can’t get enough of her. The sparkle of her dark eyes, the shine of her hair, the sound of her voice.
Your body trembles with the need to feel her touch. This is only what it feels like standing outside the gates of her world.
A burning desire dragging you into itself as strongly as the satisfaction in the moment holds you in place.
Torn in two.
You stand before her and as she lays her eyes on you, you are your most honest, vulnerable self. You know your feelings show as clear as glass but you stand there anyway. It takes strength to reveal your true self, the self that was trod upon, devalued, dehumanized by the betrayals and tortures of your past and present whenever you suggested the smallest want or need. You were made to feel you didn’t matter. Yet, no fear or risk could be great enough to prevent you from making your attempt to get closer. No torture could be painful enough to stop you from making that one attempt. None of the most terrifying moments in your life or horrors you could dream up would not be worth facing just to look into her eyes a moment longer. In strangely blissful suffering, you finally accept yourself for who you are. Stupidly, through this great intensity and with the hair on your arms standing on end, and your heart racing up to 180 beats per minute, you try to act ‘normal’.