i was so happy as a kid.
i could’ve been so well-off.
i could’ve been so innocent.
so pure.
i wish people hadn’t died so early on.
i wish she hadn’t been killed in cold blood.
i wish i could’ve seen him before he died all alone.
i wish i could be the person she wants me to be.
i wish she’d let me take him sooner.
i wish she’d listened to me.
i wish he’d died without those months of pain.
i wish i wasn’t so alone.
i wish i could let someone know.
i wish people didn’t backstab.
i wish she didn’t gaslight me.
i wish i was five again.
i wish i was free.
i wish i could be good.
i wish i could be her again.
i want security.
i want to feel safe.
i want someone to hold me and tell me it will be alright.
no one’s ever done that for me.
i have a feeling that aches without pain and it harms me.
my memory fails me as i block out the pain.
i can’t remember the good things i have.
its all bad.
dark.
scary.
painful.
negative.
trauma.
want.
need.
I need someone to be with me.
why can’t i be happy?