4 years
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My life has reached a harrowing standstill. I’ve found myself in an even middle ground of advancement and repentance, and still not accepting that the past is the past and I must move on. I’ve engrossed myself in a rabbit hole of a musical production, one that I know I have no time for, but I just keep digging deeper. It’s getting worse and I don’t know what to do. Trying to live up to the expectations of friends who think so highly of me and also not letting down a teacher I love so dearly I just can’t. But 3 months with no socialization with any of my other friends can’t be healthy, I don’t know. I don’t feel good at it but people say I’m doing good. How is a man supposed to love a girl but hate her at the same time? My definition of love has been skewed, numbed, rewritten and repressed so many times through all of the abuse, and neglect I just don’t know anymore. I love her because she’s beautiful and fun but she criticizes me so much and I can’t take all of my flaws being just.. I can’t do this anymore. I’m so confused in my day. Im in a ditch and I can’t get out. No matter how many fresheners I put in this godforsaken room it always reeks of death. I live in a world that works against me. Give me my freedom or give me my death why don’t you. I’m tired of all of this.

If the one person who I’m talking about reads this, hi buddy. I’m so sorry I can’t live with myself anymore. I don’t understand my own thoughts and emotions. I am lost.

Posting this is a risk, but at this point I have nothing to lose. F***

New Confession

My husband always watches p*** and said he fantasized about me being with a b******** man. On vacation in a bar , I noticed a muscular young black guy watching me. I’m 28, 120 lbs with perky breasts. I started thinking about the fantasy and was getting a bit aroused. My husband was really drunk and I knew he was ready to call it a night. I told the black guy our room number in the hotel, he said he was on the same floor. I asked him to meet me in the hallway. As soon as we entered the room my husband hit the bed, I knew he was out for the night. I removed my p****** and bra and put on a short skirt, I was really going to do this. He was waiting for me in front of his room and pulled me inside rather quickly. He wasted no time kissing me and pulling off his pants revealing his huge manhood. He layed me on the bed and forced his large p**** into my mouth. I was scared because this was happening too fast. He forced it down my throat and I began to gag. After a few minutes, he pulled up my dress around my stomach and saw my tight little p****. He spread my legs and forced his big d*** into my wet hole . It hurt ,but he buried it deep inside me. I begged him to stop but he kept thrusting me. Soon I started getting used to the size and it started feeling very good. I begged him to f*** me good as I grabbed his balls. He was making me c** so hard. He had his way with me for about an hour and I had never had that many orgasms. He finished in my mouth and I eagerly swallowed every drop. I went back to the room, barely able to walk. My husband was still passed out. I get so h**** now when he fantasizes about a black man using me. He has no idea

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