3 years
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I always really hated school ever since I was little I just hated being there probably due to me having traumatic experiences in school settings from the ages 6-12 one of which being verbally abused by one of my teachers. I also have severe anxiety and depression with alot of self distructive tendencies aswell as suicidal thoughts and severe intrusive thoughts. Sometimes when I am at school I really hope and pray something really bad will happen I hope that a shooter would come and shoot me I hope that something will happen that will make it stop I hope that I get really hurt I hope that I get hit by a car I hope I pass out on the pavement and break something I hope I get in a fight and get beaten up I hope something outside of my control happens to nearly kill me If not actually do it I don’t want to be at fault and I don’t want to be there anymore I will do anything to not go to school if you told me sawing my arm off with a saw without any painkillers Would make it so I won’t have to go anymore I would try it I just really really don’t want to be the one to blame for the thing that causes it

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