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Ive struggled with depression from the age of 13 i am now 17 and I’ve not hurt myself or thought bad or suicidal thoughts or drunk or smoked to keep my demons away.

I have a great boyfriend and loving friends however i can’t seem to bring myself to tell them I’ve been unconsciously slipping back into old habits like biting my nails until they bleed or digging my nails into my skin until it bleeds or taking little sips of alcohol more often because i feel bad thoughts slowly creeping back to engulf me into my depression i keep getting a bad feeling and a guilt feeling of not telling anyone but i can’t.

Ive tried to kill myself 11 times, yes i know its a miracle I’m alive tho truth is I’ve been rushed to hospital seven times and four of those I almost never returned and had a few short visits in mental hospitals which brought a-lot of trauma upon me because of the horrors I witnessed.

The point is i keep getting these bad feelings and horrible thoughts but a awfully weird sense of comfort from it. Im scared.

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