4 years
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I really am sorry. Im trying to not be defensive and feel my emotions. I was just insecure seeing you be so comfortably be human, which i never felt like i was allowed to do, and i noticed it and i couldnt help but mock sometimes, i was trying to take it in and learn but poorly. I was just projecting. Im sorry for inflicting that on you. I really dont want you to feel like you wasted your time. You didnt, you were great at your job. I want to make sure that it wasnt wasted. I dont want to squander it and devalue my life. Its just hard because i dont feel worthy. And i kind of am not worthy. But i know thats not how you can be human now. I guess meet yourself where you are at which is somehow really hard. I didnt want to bring you off balance or drag you down. I really didnt know how deeply this was affecting you. But i was genuinely stressed about how to react, i didnt know what to do and what was happening. I wish i didnt lose your friendship over this. There was so much i still needed and need to learn. But thats on me. Ill have to get more therapy.

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