A self-degrading rant Since when do I feel disgust for expressing my sorrow to others. I feel like worthless scum whenever I try to open up because that

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A self-degrading rant

Since when do I feel disgust for expressing my sorrow to others. I feel like worthless scum whenever I try to open up because that feel like I’m doing some sort of sin. That I’m supposed to be stronger and understand that others have it harder than me. There are wars, poverty, and here I am getting so worked up over a f****** words, and I stupidly take it personal. Get over it, they said. Why so sensitive, they said. But here I am..hah

I’d listen to others who come up to me, asking for advice. But I’m too much of coward to do it to do it myself. It’s fine for other people, but I hate myself if I ever do that..the f*** me, why being so complicated..I know that people love positive, they hate whiny b****..but I don’t mind listening to one. At least I’ll be useful..I have.. Hah..haha, I’m so pathetic..I don’t even have the courage to go to psyhiatrist because I feel like that’s me being excessive

It’ll get better
I’ll be happy

I didn’t. I’m crying on my bed. Holding my throat so I won’t let any voice even when I know there won’t be anyone who listen. I’m scared.

Ahh..feel bit better there. Guess just need little rant there cause nobody needs to listen to my useless rant. But I’m free here..I write this here because people won’t know who I am, maybe some will who is good at IT hack stuff..And, I just want to let anyone who feel this aren’t alone

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I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.