TWW_ I fingered my girlfriend and I'm a girl and I didn't want to and when she continued to want more, I just let her have it and I'd just dissociate

4 years

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TWW_ I fingered my girlfriend and I’m a girl and I didn’t want to and when she continued to want more, I just let her have it and I’d just dissociate during the s** and then after i couldn’t look at her in the eye because i was afraid I’d show that i didn’t enjoy it or something. She would also constantly ask to touch me and say that i wasn’t about having s** and i would joke about it a lot but for me, there has to be an open communication in order for me to have s**, for me to know everything about you before i have s** with the person, i barely knew her and i knew her for 2 years +, i thought she was using me but i think there was some small love, just more of s**. I do regret joking like i would have s** with her, and then maybe that would’ve have happened. I don’t know what to call my situation at all. in the past i do have a record of being saed and mol- she moved recently but if we haven’t, I’m pretty sure i would’ve been peer pressured for her to touch me or to have s** and now i have this amazing girlfriend but sometimes I go back to where I fingered her those both times and i would look off in the distance, waiting for it to be over. So, i don’t know what my situation is, but i know it had a great tole on my mental health, i would have panic attacks thinking about what Happened and even bash myself for letting it happen AGAIN after I promise to set boundaries for myself. but now, I’m working on that and i forgive myself and all i have to do is move on.

New Confession

I lied to my mother and family that I won’t kill myself but after 2weeks im planning on using my grandfather’s gun to feel free I don’t want to die but I also don’t want to suffer I hope they forget about me I wish I hugged you one more time mei sorry for everything if you ever find this Josephine please forgive me

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I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.