My life has been deeply hurting me for so long now. I lost my dad when I was 11 and was left with a mom that had no idea what to do with herself and let

4 years

152 Views

My life has been deeply hurting me for so long now. I lost my dad when I was 11 and was left with a mom that had no idea what to do with herself and let alone with me and my younger brother. There was a lot of abuse, mental, emotional and also physical. I am pretty sure actually that she is a freaking narcissist. She would yell at us for no reason, tell us on a daily basis that nobody liked and loved us and that nobody ever wanted to be around us. She wouldn’t let us try new things, hang out or have fun. Whenever one of us was in a good mood, she would aggressively start asking why that is and then somehow make it a bad thing. She would yell at me for exercising for god’s sake. Since we never had any opportunity to be kids or to develop in a way most kids do, my brother never learned to control his feelings and impulses. Never did I for that matter but with him it was much more serious. He got beaten daily by the monster that was my mother and eventually he couldn’t be left alone anymore. She would leave him in a phychiatric hospital for longer periods of time and when they wouldn’t take him anymore because there wasn’t anything wrong with him per se (the doctors and social workers described his condition as ‘problems with the mother’), he would start getting into trouble. In between the moment I finished high school I left school since I couldn’t deal with her anymore. I truly believed that we would all die if I had stayed. While I was away, my brother ended up in prison. She wasn’t allowed to see him. I was 19 and he was 16. Today, 6 years later, he is in a home for troubled teens and young adults. She left more than 3000 km away to live with her boyfriend and I am in pain all the time. Like my brother, I never learned to control my emotions and impulses and I never managed to make a real connection with anyone. I have no friends and no people who care about me. If I were to die, nobody would notice. I am missing my father every single day and every single day I am mad for what happened to my brother. I am mad at my father for leaving us with a goddamn pshycopath and I am mad at myself and the whole universe for the fact that I can’t ever be happy. We both missed crucial developmental stages in our childhoods and it affects us greatly in this quazi adulthood we’re forces to go through. We are both completely alone, him still locked up over there and me drowning in my mother’s and my own insecurities and failures. I don’t see another way out other than death, I really don’t. To some it may seem as if I’m not trying hard enough, but I’ll never be good at anything. I don’t have the intelligence to accomplish anything in life and I’ll never stop being this sensitive. I believe me when I say, I am way too sensitive for this world.

New Confession

I developed feeling feelings for my best friend’s wife. I was at a birthday party and we were sitting together and I had a few drinks and such a desire to kiss her I had to stop drinking and walk away but I can’t keep her out of my mind

Related Confessions

I’m a female, nineteen years old, nothing special about me tbh although I seem to be a lot interesting to guys twice my age. I’m not that attractive but I was almost raped by my cousin when I was eight. I’m an only child and that’s my misery, everyone thinks I’m spoiled while I’m broke. I was raised by my mother, being a burden and a debt to her but I was unaware that after I grow up, I’ll have to repay everything. My mother sold her body in order to earn money, about which I always knew because there were a lot of men and women who visited the house we lived in, I decided to stay silent about it and nobody knew where my father is, my mother said he’s a bad guy. I turned fifteen and my mother introduced me to a man in his thirties, who has a wife and a child already. I was against it, but she said that he won’t be having s*x with me, he’ll just touch and groom me until I get into adulthood but nightmare came soon. She fell into poverty and made me have s** with him, that night is hunting and painful, I can still feel the pain in my private part when I remember it, I bled a lot, my innocence was took away from me at sixteen. After that, my mother showed me to two more men, introduced me to them, made me sleep with them for money, saying that it’s all for my future. F*ck you mother.