• 2 weeks ago

I dont get how a person can casually live with a person that hurts them. I mean, I dont get how I can casually live with a person that hurt me. A parent; a teacher, a guide, and your protector. Someone who is supposed to guide you through your life before you can walk on your own two feet. Someone who should love you endlessly. If you loved me, why would you hurt me? Why did you turn me into this mess? You projected your regret, your anger and your fear onto me, a young child? You were supposed to protect me. You were supposed to be my hero. My father. Does a daughter usually fear her father? Does a daughter usually blame herself for not being good enough? For not being better? Father, you don’t know how much you hurt me. You don’t know how many memories I’ve blocked. I know you were suffering, but you didn’t have to make us suffer. Sure, what you went through was rough; it was not right. But why must you project it on me? You don’t know how much you’ve hurt me. You made me fucking sick. You made me sick in my head. You made me lose what kept me going; my will to live. Now, you’re the one feeling upset that your daughter is depressed? You’re blaming yourself for how your daughter turned out? Fuck you. You scolded me. When i told you how i was feeling, what I was going through, and how i was coping with it through self-harm, you told me to consider how YOU feel? HOW YOU DO YOU THINK I FELT? HOW DO YOU THINK I FELT GOING THOUGH ALL THAT? JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS RAISED YOU TO BE A FUCKING LIFELESS CORPSE DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOUDL PROJECT IT ON ME. GET HELP.