I’ve tried to deny for so long that I’m not autistic, I’m just a shy extrovert ENFP personality type. It couldn’t be further from the truth and I can’t live with being so lonely when I f****** hate every single minute of my own company. I just want to connect with other people, I just want to feel the other person’s viewpoint and to form a genuine connection like everyone else. That can’t happen because of societal double standards. Maybe it could if I were a woman, but the only cure for an autistic incel is to turn gay or kill yourself. Either way, I have to find some way to numb myself because if I don’t feel numb I’ll never just ‘fit in’. Fitting in whilst staying quiet, then one day the giant spaghetti monster in the sky will come down to eat me and I’ll no longer drown in my feelings.