21f: i found a lump. it’s between my shoulder blade and my neck. my younger sister was diagnosed with cancer last christmas, from something similar in her neck.
i don’t know what it is and im terrified to get it checked. i haven’t had an injection since i was 8, due to trauma – ive hyperventilated to the point of passing out every time ive tried since. i can’t even do piercings or tattoos. genuinely, risking death seems more appealing than needing biopsies, surgery etc.
i have nobody to talk to. the rest of my family is out of the country. i have nobody i can tell, nobody who could comfort me. ive spent 4 years highly medicated and at high suicide risk, and another 5 in and out of therapy. maybe this is a sign, a solution, a means to an end.