I hate being a people pleaser. From a very young age I’ve made sure everyone else was happy to keep peace. Eventually different people have different needs and I build personalities for each batch of people. I became everyone’s personal therapist to make sure that they stay happy and stay “friends”. The people I talked to have a release but still don’t know basic info about me. I’ve drop most of the them but it’s seems impossible to drop the habits. So now I’ve made personalities for each person without keep track of which one is “me”. I feel unable to genuinely and accurately express my emotions and only can do so when mirroring others emotionally. I don’t even know what color I like anymore. If someone ask me about something that I like, I just say something from my childhood because it’s the last time I can actually remember enjoy myself during things. I want to talk to about it to one of my friends but, I don’t wanna vent to them because I know how tiring and draining it can feel being the “therapist friend”. If I were to do that id become the thing I hate most. Idk what to do but I need to get this off my mind. Sorry
