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i fell in love with a boy on summer camp. it was one of the last days of camp that i wanted to confess, but i was scared. then a lot of things happened too fast and one of my friends told him that i wanted to talk to him to which he immediately replied “i don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone” (i wasn’t there when my friend came up to him, i ran away to my room). i knew that he didn’t want anyone, he stated that a few times that after camp it’d be hard to keep in touch with anyone and it’d just hurt to never again see each other, yet i still fell for him… i could get lost in his always tired, deep, greenish-blue eyes… and his cute face whenever he smiled. his fluffy hair and chaotic personality. i cried a lot on that day. i didn’t want to f*** up the connection we made as close friends and that’s why i was so devastated that it got out. fortunately, we got to talk a bit and he reassured me that i didn’t f*** up and everything is okay and that he knew i had a crush on him (someone told him at the very beginning, i’m pretty sure it was two of my gal friends). even though he said everything was okay, it still felt weird. the fact that every time i tried to get closer to him or do something together, he knew why… it was so embarrassing…

we kind of lost the connection for the last days of camp and i regret it.

i had my birthday recently as well and one whole room was filled with balloons. there were wishes or funny stuff written on them, all for me. but one of them was, and still is special. it has my crushes name on it. i wanted to take a few of the balloons home, but all of them deflated, except that one. it’s on my shelf right now. i promised myself that before all the air escapes, i’ll fall out of love. that i’ll forget him. i hope i’ll be able to do so.
my camp ended two days ago. i miss all the people from there. it felt like home and for the first time in my life i truly had fun with the people i loved. for the first time i was myself. i’ll miss them all. i’m really happy it all happened, even though it’ll never happen again.

my crush said that he wants to wait until he’s older to even start dating and wouldn’t want a long-distance relationship anyway. i told him that he’s important to me and that i at least wanted to keep in touch as friends for a little bit over text, but he said it doesn’t make sense for us to keep texting if we don’t meet each other irl. i said “have you never had online friends? we don’t need to meet up”. he left me on seen.

that was on the last full day of camp. the following morning i had to leave. the last thing i said to him was “you little fucker” and hugged him hard. after i pulled away he said “bye” and nothing more. i could only wave or i’d break down right then and there.. i walked out after that, with the balloon in my backpack. i cried a lot when i got home. i didn’t tell anyone about this.

if the universe makes you see this, M, you can look at it. i know you aren’t good at english. go ahead, read it. you wouldn’t understand anyway.

i still love you,
– k.

New Confession

I was a church organist and pianist for Sunday School departments on Sunday morning from the time I was 12 years old ….. Every morning I would come in the back door and go up the flight of stairs to where the Sunday School rooms were out to play the piano for them and one day we had a new quad director his first year in college… He was 17 I liked him okay but I certainly wasn’t in love with him and I had no desire to touch him in any way but after about 2 months he started meeting me at the stairway going up and started rubbing my d*** with the back of his hand making it hard extremely hard and erect well he continued to talk to me I tried to back up and he followed me continuing to rub my d*** so the first time I said oh I have to go to the restroom so I went to the restroom I beat it off and went back up the hallway he was not there discontinued every Sunday for about 6 months after the first time I decided I would force my way past him and he became very angry that I forced to my way past him the next week he wasn’t there and all of a sudden he was there the next week and still persisted on rubbing my d*** with the back of his hand to make it hard while he talked to me normally again I have to go to the restroom and beat it off before I went to the Sunday School the following Sunday I decided I was not going to beat it off anymore because I got too hot so I went to the Sunday school class with my d*** on hard which everyone could see so finally I just did not care anymore whether they saw it or not and then I noticed all of the other boys dicks getting hard and the Sunday school class so when I went back to my own Sunday school class after playing for four other departments I got back in time just to go into my class the teacher was not there it was the voice class that had seven boys in it I made the eighth one as we were sitting in there they began to rub their dicks and then they took their dicks out and all started m*********** after a while of silence and m*********** my d*** was very hard but I did not take it out they won by one began to have o***** and one boy took my hand and put it on his d*** to finish his d*** and I did he had the best o***** of all his legs shot out and he was the loudest when he went into o***** I was afraid the teacher would come in but no teacher ever came in but then they had a huge mess to clean up all of the e********** so I had to go to the restroom and bring back paper to clean them up they all sat there wiping their dicks and cleaning off the e********** that had shot everywhere. Then about 6 months later after having my d*** rubbed two or three times a month I had stopped m*********** it I would just go with the hard d*** I was asked to be organized of the church because they had heard me playing well everything went fine for the first 3 months he stopped rubbing my d*** because I started going into another door then of course he was the car director so he started coming over to where I went into the auditorium and began taking his two fingers and gently edging my d*** as I was preparing to go out I did not want to start an argument I did not want to make a scene of course he knew that and the first time I went out with the hard d*** to the Oregon to play and then the next week I decided I could not go out there with hard d*** but he did not rub it that week the next week he rubbed me just enough to make it rock hard so I went out to the Oregon and I began to play and then after I was finished the choir came in and I was as I was sitting there listening to the pastor talk to the congregation my d*** began to throb and I had o***** right there in front of the entire congregation my head flew back my legs shut up and the organ made sounds but I couldn’t stop it I couldn’t control it and I was in o***** it seemed like forever and my d*** was throbbing so hard and I was 14 then after church the pastor wanted to know what happened I said oh nothing then he said I needed to take care of all of that before I went out to play I said but the boys come into the restroom and harass me I want to see my d*** he said he would take care of that so he put a lock on the door so I could go in and m********* before church that work for a while until I saw a boy that I really wanted to be with he opened the door to his restroom area and wanted me to come in and s*** his d*** I loved him so much I did not want to disappoint him so I went in and held his d*** and just looked at him and slowly manipulated his d*** and he ejaculated everywhere I thought he would then be my friend forever but he was never there again
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