• 2 weeks ago

I havent used this website in a while but here goes. I am delusional and empty inside. I was convinced that someone i used to care about was watching me on the internet so I beared my soul on my user page for months. I thought they were obsessed with me, but the truth was, i was the one with an obsession. I was just talking to myself.

The truth is: I have no future. I’m mentally disabled and broke and depend on my parents for everything. I’m going to have to kill myself in the next 20 years to avoid being homeless or at best living in extreme poverty. The car I own now is the last car ill ever have because I’ll never be able to afford another one.

I am a virgin at 31 and although women find me attractive, I am too insecure and inexperienced to make any meaningful connections or even hook up. I am intimidated by attractive women and feel like I have nothing to offer them besides physical intimacy.

I don’t enjoy anything anymore. I spend all day in bed and only get up to help take care of my parents or to run errands.

My therapist tells me I need to decide to change and have a big mindset shift, but I’m not strong enough. Everything seems pointless and hopeless. The meds they put me on aren’t making me any more able. I tried quitting pot for a month but it didn’t make a difference.

I have a lot to be grateful for but it’s hard when I’m suffering from a deep deep depression and it feels like I’m living in a house of cards that could fall over at any minute.

I’m a gigantic dead end loser and I don’t blame people for wanting nothing to do with me. I wish I was never born. I will not post here again, I just had to get this off my chest.