i was s******* assaulted by my god sister when i was 10 or younger tbh i can’t remember how old i was but i was young. she asked me to play mother and daughter with me and i thought i was funny at first we would just walk around her bedroom and pretend she was putting me to bed idk it was stupid it made her happy so i said yes. but then it got more serious and she started to want to feed me with a fake bottle and s*** and it makes me uncomfortable and told her what if my mom comes in but she assured me it was fine so i reluctantly said yes and then she wanted me to feed from her… if you know what i mean. and i told her i wasn’t okay with it but she pleaded with me saying it was okay and it was natural and stuff and i would make her upset if i didn’t and so i did and every time i went over i was scared she would ask me again and she did every time and everytime she would take me to her room and tell me to do this stuff to her and i was too scared to say no or maybe i jsut wanted to get it over and done with because it because routine and i just wanted it to end but every day i wake up thinking i could have stopped it and it’s my fault that happened to me and i should have said no firmer. i wish i did say no firmer but idk if that would have stopped her. but i was so young i keep pushing it down snd convincing myself i’m making it up but i know it happened and i’m so disgusted with myself and feel so icky and gross when i think about it. I feel like it doesn’t matter cause i was so young i can barely remember it but i think deep down it does effect me and it has kind of changed me. i’m disgustingly submissive to what people say to me because it puts me right back in that hopeless situation of not really being able to do anything so i just abide by what people say to me. I feel like i lost the assertive and confident part of myself that day. anyways i really needed to air that out