i cant remember the last time i was truly happy and fufilled. it hasnt been the last few years i know that for a fact. could be as long as 5-6 yrs ago. who knows. life has become a sad blur recently. im fighting for fufillment and to survive some of the time. Its not worth it. Nothing but dimimishing returns. It doesnt help that i might not see the love of my life ever again either.