My first love, first kiss, first s***** experience were with a gay guy. The last time we did it, he said I was getting fat and that he preferred me when I had a smaller chest and body. Before that, he could never get it up for me and when he did, we would only have s** on his terms. He never kissed me unless I asked, he never paid for my meals at restaurants unless we were on a double date and wanted to show off. And the only time we went on vacation together was at his friend’s beach house in which he didn’t even want to share a bed with me. We slept in separate beds in the same guest room (he ended up getting up in the middle of the night to sleep on the couch though because he claimed he was nervous sleeping around me.)
This all happened my Senior year in hs, he was a freshman in University. So yeah, I was dumb, gullible, in love. He broke up with me because I went into the hospital for mental health reasons and he said that it was taking a toll on him too. He broke up right after I got out of the hospital. He never told me he was gay, only that he is bi but I don’t know what else can explain the behavior he had towards me. Maybe I was unattractive and I was too ill for him. Maybe I was the problem.
Since then, I have been single for 3 years and I am scared to date again. I don’t think I will for a long time considering the fact that I am still hurting over this guy.
Sorry for the rant.
