Nothing feels like it used to. Its like a filter got removed from my eyes and everything is terrible. I miss being happy without thinking. I just want things to be like when i was happy. When i was little i was so innocent. I miss waking up with no cares like what i have now. My life feels like a burden on my loved ones and just an accessory to others. I dont want to kill myself, but i just want these things to stop. I dont want to feel like this. I turn 18 next year and i dont know how i can handle that. Its the most exciting, yet terrifying thing imaginable. I dont think i can even handle that thought but its there, gnawing away like sickness. I hate people. I hate that my life remains in the hands of men in high powers that i cant control. Land of the Free, until i dont belong. This world is full of hate and sadness and it slowly is sinking in on me and the pressure is killing me. Im not a good person and I just hope i can make it better for others. But how can i do that when i cant even make myself happy? Every day sinks into the same routine. Work, clean, go to school. See the same faces every day, hear the same hate, see the terror and sick things that happen every day. I know im not well, but i dont know how to think about going to therapy. Everyone says itll help but i cant help but have doubts. I have a great future ahead of me, but can i handle doing what i want and making others disappointed in me? I dont even know who will read this, or if itll be on here until i wake up. But i just want to know if it gets better. Does it really? I just want to get there as soon as possible. Every day im not there is agony. If its real, thats what i want. But, doesnt everyone?