I am a 23 year old man from India who is not good looking, low confidence and border line depressed. Recently I have not been feeling well and have had

4 years

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I am a 23 year old man from India who is not good looking, low confidence and border line depressed. Recently I have not been feeling well and have had unpleasant thoughts. I cant afford to go to a therapist to seek mental.

I am writing this here because I have no one to share my feelings with. So what I would like to get off my chest is the fact that I have been very lonely. I have been called ugly to my face. I have been told that it would be a miracle if I find someone. Jokes regarding my personality are a constant.

I am a 23 now and no one has ever been attracted to me and when you constantly are told that you look hideous it kind of breaks your confidence. I can literally feel my spine get cold as I write this.
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Anyways I just needed to vent out a bit. Hope you are in better state then I am

New Confession

To be human is to continually change. Your desire to remain as you are is what ultimately limits you.

The Puppet Master

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My ex would s******* harrass me every day, if that is the word. Force me to show him my body, show him myself m***********, pleasure him since we were long-distance. Whenever I said no, it would be begging all night until I gave in. So I stopped saying no in fear of him leaving me, embarrassing me, sending the photos out. But now, a year after him, I still imagine what it would be like if we did have s**. I imagine it when I’m alone, about how he’d topple over me, guide me through it with a soft voice as he deflowered me. How his rough hands would grab me and pull me hair like how he would describe to me. How he said he wanted me to be choking to the point I nearly threw up. How he wanted his hand on my stomach as he plowed. I pray every day that I never see him again, but I pray that the sin of my desires is attained first.