I have an old college friend who lives quite a ways away. We're good friends in the sense of keeping up with one another but not in the manner of seeing

4 years

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I have an old college friend who lives quite a ways away. We’re good friends in the sense of keeping up with one another but not in the manner of seeing one another frequently. Tonight he called in a total breakdown, emotional and crying. His 15-yr-old daughter, an avid climber, fell on a remote group climb and was life flighted out, probably paralyzed. I can’t stop crying — the father in me imagines this being one of my own children even though I don’t KNOW his daughter. I talked him through the immediate moment as best I could and he’s waiting for her to get out of surgery now. It simply is so awful. I know that he has a community around him where he is and I can’t get out of my immediate commitments, which makes me feel guilty that I can’t be there for him more. I told him that I’m keeping my phone near me if he needs to talk at any hour but this is so godawful and tragic. How do you say the right things? I wish there was more I could do in the moment. I hope there’s a miracle and that she’s OK. Goddamn. Love everyone around you — life can change in a moment.

New Confession

To be human is to continually change. Your desire to remain as you are is what ultimately limits you.

The Puppet Master

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My ex would s******* harrass me every day, if that is the word. Force me to show him my body, show him myself m***********, pleasure him since we were long-distance. Whenever I said no, it would be begging all night until I gave in. So I stopped saying no in fear of him leaving me, embarrassing me, sending the photos out. But now, a year after him, I still imagine what it would be like if we did have s**. I imagine it when I’m alone, about how he’d topple over me, guide me through it with a soft voice as he deflowered me. How his rough hands would grab me and pull me hair like how he would describe to me. How he said he wanted me to be choking to the point I nearly threw up. How he wanted his hand on my stomach as he plowed. I pray every day that I never see him again, but I pray that the sin of my desires is attained first.