i am 14 (keep that in mind) and my ex was a year younger. (13)

our relationship started off fine, we argued because i wouldnt open up about my struggles and he would get annoyed. over time, i changed myself in ways for him that no kid should be doing at 14 just for the feeling of love. after school ended and it was summer we slowly grow closer together, calling every night, spending time just talking all night long or laughing together when we couldnt sleep. but the one thing i will never be able to forget is the way he put his hands on me. we’re kids, fresh teens, yet he had a s***** urge to do anything and everything. i gave in. gave him what he wanted until he asked for s*x. we had s*x probably 4 times every time i snuck out to see him and every time i played along and fed his needs. he’d hold me after he was done and tell me that he was sorry and that he loves me so much. then he broke up with me and that destroyed me. my mental health has been at an all time low ever since we broke up. i begged him for days on end to take me back and that i’d be a better girlfriend and whatnot because im an idiot who just wants to feel loved, even it wasnt right. then i let go, 3 days of no contact, then he texted me. “i wanna talk to you, irl”. i asked why. he said its better he says it in person, i asked what it was about and he said it was about me. i thought he wanted to talk about the fact that i tried to commit suic*de after we broke up, or just some other bs. but later that night i texted him asking if we could just say it over text because im impatient when it comes to these typa things. the conversation shifted into a normal conversation, he told me how school was going and how he might get with this girl who everybody hates just because she has a “good body” which was a joke because she is paper thin and stuffs her bra and pants with paper towel. he said that to make me jealous and started teasing me, then he said “this might sound crazy but do you wanna get back together?”, and obviously, i said yes. 2 days later i snuck out to see him and we made out, he was touching me and i could feel the warmth of his hands all over again. i was happy to be in his arms again, even if it meant having to deal with his behaviour and selfish needs. we f**ked and made out again, then we went home. fast foward to the next friday or whatever, he gets super dry and when i go back to text him i see that he blocked me. im still not over him, still not over the way i miss how his hands felt on me, still not over the depression and damage that was caused by the sudden loss of feelings AGAIN. i have severe depression and constantly have suic*dal thoughts. im going to end it all soon. im not pure. i cant handle the touch of another person. i want him to be with me again, he wasnt just lustful, he actually seemed to care about me. he’s held me when i cried. and he sure as hell has a heart worth loving. i miss you, ibr.

– sparklefart539