TW suicidal ideation and SH

i was feeling very overwhelmed and frustrated like a long lasting panic attack. Thoughts about how i wasn’t good enough crept in and i started feeling very suicidal. I don’t want to die and i have so many people i love and care for along with many dreams of the future. in my mind the only thing to get my mind off it was feeling physical pain instead of emotional. i feel very guilty and it helped my thoughts short term and i honestly just wanted someone non judgemental to talk to.