i keep telling myself and others that i’m getting better but honestly i’m not. i can be so genuinely happy and having a good time but deep in the back of my mind i still feel the urge to unalive myself. i haven’t self harmed in about 7 years but these intrusive thoughts are starting to scare me. i’m worried i might actually do it one day. i never saw myself reaching the age that i am because i assumed i would be dead by now. i don’t know what to do but i just needed to get this off my chest.