I grow up as a lonely kid.
Used to see my father 5 to 6 months a year (due to his job), and my mother had my two sisters and little brother to take care of them, dding to the fact all of my cousins are girls, and all the boys were way younger. Due that I grow up alone, I never struggled financially, but I always felt alone, isolated, and what makes things even worse, is that I’ve a rebellious character, and I hate taking orders, which made it very difficult for me to have friends.

What I really wan to talk about, is that that feeling of strangeness, the emptiness that I always felt since I was a kid, and when talking about no body listened.
As a result, I’ve a very tough, and rebellious character, and that hole inside my chest is eating me inside out, getting bigger and bigger every day. I am 25 years old, and I don’t have friends, never had a girlfriend, setting on my computer all the day (I am a DevOps Engineer), and I live a way from home (parents).

So far, praying (since I am Muslim), and sports (Basketball, MMA) are the reason why I still alive, praying and sport were always my refuge, but lately it’s no longer enough, especially with that felling of needing a feminine presence into my life.

I do admit the fact it is a pathetic story, but I don’t have any one that I can talk to about this. Just feels right writing it
So Thanks.
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eljinliber@gmail.***