Im gonna have to back off again so I dont get my hopes up and spiral. This month is gonna be hell for me, not heaven. The sooner I come to terms with that, the better. I need to be more careful. She knows how I feel. All im doing is driving myself crazy at this point by continuing to plead my case when she has no intention of running away with me. I dont want the dream to end, but I dont want to lose myself again. I dont want to give into despair. Im so tired. Its been a year since my life went off the rails completely. I don’t want to end up back where I was last summer. I refuse.