when I was in grade 9 I got into aderall. That was 2 years ago. I’ve been clean for 2 years. Until today I went and bought concerta. Only my friends knew about my problem and followed me when I went to pick it up. They took it from me. Now they are monitoring me like hawks and I am being forced to go to counselling. Everything s****. EVERYTHING. Nothing good happens. At home my parents drive me insane. I find myself stepping on eggshells. They don’t accept me. They check up on me. They overreact for every little thing. At school I fake it until I make it. Trying to convince people that I don’t hate my life as much as I do. And I hate myself. I don’t want to exist. My life would be classified as ordinary. I’m not the only person to feel this. I’d much rather be a surveyor of the universe. Just observing everything from above. I can watch peacefully knowing I have no impact on anyone. I just want to melt away. The only reason I wanted to take it is as an escape. And now because I was denied I am craving it so bad. I talked to people. THEY ALL SAY THE SAME DAMN THING. “Learn how to cope healthily”. I don’t give a s***. I’ve tried all their b******* methods those pricks with PHD’s suggest. It just is being ignorant to my existence. “Romanticize your life”. What the f*** is there to romanticize? “This isn’t good, we want what’s best for you”. Okay. Watch me wither away slowly then. Its been a slow descend. I tried to kill myself 2 months ago already. I can’t escape this thick black tar. Its like quicksand. “You’re going down the wrong path.” Whats the right path then, please enlighten me. Be oblivious to my feelings and needs of escape. Oh goody me. I get to grow up and work for the rest of my life. I get to spend money and have s**. Believe it or not I don’t give a s***. So stop trying to be Gandhi and stay in your lane. If it isn’t impacting you leave me the f*** alone. Your parents accept your s********. I have to have a fight with them even if I want something as little as going out. I’m being held captive in my own life. I’ve never been allowed to do what the f*** I want. Always have to listen to other people. I want out. I want away. Thats it. Thanks for reading my teenage b*******.